he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize