I smell stomach acid.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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