I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
