How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
