you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
