So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need to stop coming to work sober
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
