Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
