If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
