before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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