I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
