it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
