he thought i was a dude.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
