I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
