He kissed a someone with a penis
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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