Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
