got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
