I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
be right there i have to get my cape
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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