I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
