Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
