really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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