I puked a lego.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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