My underwear smells like fireworks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
