they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
