After last night, I could never be a politician.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
