I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
