Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
