I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
