dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
