I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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