My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
