My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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