I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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