I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
