I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
