i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
