You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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