I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
