I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
