Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
