butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
