i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
