Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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