Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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