I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
