Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
