mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
