Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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