Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
