I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
