my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
